Group - 2nd try

A few weeks ago, I tried going to a support group.  I built myself up to go for almost a week, and when I was turned away at the door, I felt more lost and helpless than anything.  It crushed me, as I needed to know that Amanda and I were not the only ones that loss a baby.  

This past weekend, Amanda and I had a few conversations about trying another support group.  This group specialized in loss of a child.  Both Amanda and I had our reservations about going, since we didn't know if we would fit in.  Especially since we loss our child during pregnancy, and not later on in life.  

We decided to go, and Amanda and I were the youngest people there by far.  We were greeted by a really nice lady, and said that it doesn't matter if you loss your child during pregnancy or when they were in there 90's, a loss is a loss.  At this point, I knew we were the only couple there that loss their child during pregnancy, and I again felt like Amanda and I were the only one's in the world that have loss a child in pregnancy.  

We sat down around a big table, and on the opposite side of the table, people started to say their name and who they loss.  The first person said his name, and that he loss two kids, one to cancer (in her 30s), and the other was murdered (in his 20s).  My jaw dropped.  I grabbed onto Amanda's hand and listen to the rest of their stories.  The whole time we were there, I tried to hard not to dismiss their feelings and losses, but I thought, at least you had time with them.  You had X amount of years with your child.  I had my child in my arms for for 30 hours, and for those 30 hours, he was not here with me. 30 hours not years.  I did not see him open his eyes, cry, walk, run, etc.  I started to get angry with these people who had these experiences and still upset that they loss their children. I tried to relate with them, and validate their losses, because it is a loss for them. Needless to say, I don't think this group was for me/us.  

After the formal meeting, Amanda and I started to grab our coats to leave.  We turn around and there was a lady that came out of nowhere to talk with us.  She wanted to let us know that she loss a son at 7 months, and that she knows what we were going through.  She also wanted to let us know that she was a grief nurse, at a local hospital around here, and she knew that we didn't find the right fit with this group.  She recommended another group that meets in a few weeks, that Amanda and I have decided to go visit.  

I felt like Johnathan sent her to us, to let us know that we will find the right group for us, and that he is always around to help us through our grief.  

Today is day 50

7 weeks.