Babies

When Amanda and I were at the hospital that dreadful day in December, Doctor Cruz told us to buy the protein shakes. Amanda needed to have 3 bottles of these a day, including with these shakes, Amanda needed to have at least 50% of her meals needed to be protein.  So when we left the, we headed straight to the grocery store.  We needed to pick up some of the basics, steak, chicken, pork, anything with high content of protein and of course the Pediasure Protein Shakes.  We were told that these shakes were to possibly help with adding some weight and growth for Johnathan.  For me, these shakes were the life line between life and death, and the only thing I knew as a father, I could do to save my child.  I made sure that Amanda had the three a day. When I would go to the grocery store, I would buy all the shakes that they had on the shelf.  There was a time we spent almost 70 dollars on just shakes alone.

Amanda and I were in some sort of a daze as we left the hospital, as I was driving, I was getting pissed at the driver in front of me for not going over the speed limit, and Amanda was crying next to me.  Our world was just shattered, our little girl (at this time we thought it was girl) was dying.  Some how, with a few middle fingers flying, we made it to the grocery store.

We just had a lot of information thrown at us at the hospital, and none of it sank totally in yet.  We walked into the grocery store, and the first thing we saw was this little boy.  His mom was paying for their food.  The little boy, who was no older than 12 months, just turned and smiled at us.  This innocent act from this little boy stopped both Amanda and I in our tracks.  At this point, at least for me, everything just sank in. There is a strong possibly that I won't be grocery shopping with my child.  I just wanted to turn to that woman, give her a hug and say "hug your precious little child, cause you are extremely blessed to have him here with you."  A  part of my heart broke for the first time that day.

Fast forward to the first week back to work.  I work as a Regulatory Specialist for a bank.  I don't speak to customers, so my co-workers and I will send each other different meme's about different situations.  A manager from a different department, who had no idea that it was my first week back from loosing Johnathan, sent this picture:



I broke down.  I know that she didn't know what happened, and that this was sent on accident.  However, it teared me up inside.  I almost wrote her back and asked why she was so insensitive, and how could she send something like this? Out of all the meme's we have sent back and forth, why did she have to pick this one, and why did she have to send it on the first week back?  Why?

Today is day 28.