How are you?

How are you?  This is a simple question, and should have a simple answer.  Before February 2, my normal answer was "Good".  I found myself never thinking about this question, mainly thought it was a conversation starter, and that was it.  Now these words are by far the easiest way to tear me down.  Especially from people who use it along with the "look".

When I get asked this question from someone who gives me the "look", in my head I am screaming,  "How the hell do you think I am, my child, my life, the reason why I am here on earth just died! How would you feel?!  I am here away from my grieving wife,  my only goal at this point is to get through the fucking day!  How do you think I fucking am?!" (Sorry for using my french!) Do these people really care and hope that I really open up to them if I answer  this question?  Or, are they just asking me so on the off chance that I might go postal, and they hope they don't make my list?  Just for the record, I won't be going to postal at any time.

"How are you" is an extremely loaded question these day.   A question that I would like to take out of everyone's vocabulary.  It is an innocent question, that I don't know how to answer anymore.  I may look fine on the outside, but I have been crying for the last month, I have been falling apart, I am not here good on the inside, I am good on the outside.

Today is 1 Month since he was born.

Today is Day 29.